Monday, May 20, 2013

Learning Who Your Real Friends Are

I took the weekend to decide if and how I was going to write the following post.  After giving it some thought, I decided to put this out there.  Never in a million years would I ever have thought I would be the type of girl who kicks someone out of my wedding party.  The ladies on shows like Bridezilla make it a habit of switching up their maids whenever the wind blows or making ridiculous demands that cause their ladies to ditch them before the big day.  I am a really easy going person and a pretty amazing friend (at least I think my girls would say that!).  Needless to say, one of my bridesmaids has made me question why I put her in there in the first place and if it might be for the best if I tell her that her services are no longer needed.

This girl and I were BEST friends in college.  Basically inseparable.  With her moving to NY and my going home to MD, it's only natural that we are going to not be nearly as close as before.  However, we still talked all the time and saw each other at least 2 or 3 times a year.  We still leaned on each other for boy problems, shared our successes and texted each other silly stuff only we would laugh at.  Five years after graduating college, we remained close.  It was a no brainer that she was going to be in my wedding party, especially since we had pledge this fact to each other many times. She got engaged back in April but is planning an August wedding and I have offered her my services many times because planning a wedding in 4 months stresses me out just thinking about it!! 

Last Wednesday, I experienced the deepest hurt thus far in my adulthood.  I received an virtual save-the-date and invite to her engagement party.  I noticed there was a link to her wedding website so I clicked on it to check it out.  I then proceeded to click on the Wedding Party tab.  My heart sank as I realized my name wasn't there.  Did I miss something?  I scanned the 6 girls names and none of them was mine.  How could this be?  Now, I understand that some people have lots of siblings or future sibling-in-laws that they include.  Of the 6, one is her future sister in-law.  Four of these girls were from my college and I didn't realize that she was so close to 2 of them.  Where we they when she called me crying over a boy and that she needed her bestie and I immediately dropped everything and took a bus to NY to cheer her up? 

Now, I am not trying to sound like sour grapes.  Of course I am hurt that I'm not in the wedding party but the fact that she didn't have the decency to call me and explain why not or at least give me heads up was a dagger through my heart.  I thought we were better friends than that?  Did I miss a sign?  Is she just not that in to me?  I feel like an idiot who misjudged an entire friendship; she really did mean a lot to me but I guess her feelings weren't mutual?!  I immediately texted her to tell her I wouldn't be able to make her engagement party since I will be in Tanzania.  After throwing around multiple hints and giving her the chance to come clean, I told her how hurt I was that she didn't have the balls to tell me I wasn't going to be included in her special day.  She told me she knows she handled the situation poorly and it was a really tough choice and it's not a reflection on our friendship (she still loves me).  Ummmm...YES IT IS!!!!  Clearly you don't think we are good enough friends.  Anyway after some back and forth and learning I was at least worthy to score an invite to her bachorlette party, our convo ended. 

AND I HAVE YET TO HEAR BACK FROM HER!!!  So if my close friend (or any friend!) said I had hurt them, you better believe I would be on the phone to them that night.  I would have made myself sick worrying about it.  Crickets from her.  I made myself pretty clear that I was upset.  I even put a post on Facebook that it was an awful day, yet still nothing.  Michael was furious when he found out and went in to instant protection mode.  He wanted to me to kick her out of the wedding party that day but I wanted some time to reflect on the situation plus I thought surely she would reach out.  I am going to wait to face the situation until after I get back from my trip but if I hear nothing, she is gone.  I have a lot of fantastic ladies in my life who I know would be there for me.  Again, I am in no way saying I expect to be in their weddings (that's not the point), but I know I can count on them to be honest and forthcoming with me.  Thinking back on our friendship more closely, it really has been pretty one-sided.  Example: I always went to visit her, she only came to MD twice.  The pain will eventually go away but this has left a permanment mark on our friendship that I don't think can be erased. 

Has anyone else experienced something similar?  Am I being too harsh to kick her out?  Feel free to sound off!!

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